This week I learned and my Nana reminded me, "You gotta take the bad with the good." It's been a really good first two weeks. I'm learning so much (developing my 3D holographosensosurround system), meeting incredible people, and really feel connected to this work. It has been a wonderful learning experience. The bad, well, that took shape in the form of an near emotional breakdown driving home from the hospital on Friday. I knew it was coming. I'm just glad I made it to the end of week two and into the car. I cried harder than I've cried in a long long time. And it felt great. I needed to release all the feelings that were being stired up. The first week I felt fine because everything was so new and I was just overwhelmed by everything. This past week, I began to focus on some of the people on our (my) caseload. Writing treatment plans and wondering about their stories, brought up a few of my own life stories. Feeling them again was an intense, confusing, and empowering.
Being in a hospital for me is a strange and yet comfortable place. I spent many days as a child visiting family inside of the NYC hospitals. I've watched a woman die inside of a hospital ER. Three years ago, I spent a few nights sleeping next to my cousin in the ICU. All of these experiences have shaped the way I see and feel when I step into my fieldwork site. Right now those impressions are all very raw. I feel very connected to the patient and family perspective and am finding some uneasiness shifting over to the other side, the provider side. I also feel proud and honored to be on the other side. Sort of feels like reaching the summit of a rough and challenging climb. I know there's still much more to climb, but for now after an intense week and relaxing weekend I'll just enjoy life as it is.
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