Week 3 wrapped today (that's right, a little hollywood lingo). After the past weekend's emotional breakdown, I had a physical one right in the middle of the week. Spent all day Wednesday in bed- reading and resting. It was actually quite restorative. I've never taken a day off like that. In school, you could always drag your way through the day, because at the end of it- it was about you. How much you learned, so if you had a cold and didn't gain quite as much, that only affected you. But on fieldwork and you're sick, you can't give proper care to your patients and what you might give them is a cold.
I've continued to draw a parallel between the patients and myself. This week I was evaluated the director of the OT dept. The purpose was to assess my clinical reasoning, which includes my observations and interpretations focused on one patient. Just a check-up really, to give a baseline of my clinical skills at this point. No pressure. And yet, performance anxiety swept over me. I tried to relax and do my best, but just the knowledge of someone taking note of my abilities and limitations somehow changed my experience and the way I behaved. Hmm... are you sensing the parallel yet? Everyday, I'm working with patients asking them to do challenging things. And they know I'm watching. Even though it's all towards their benefit, whether they know that or not, performance anxiety can creep in and change the output. For better or worse. Sometimes it can get the blood flowing and you can perform better than you would without someone there. But let's face it, you do act a little different when someone's watching you, especially if you know they're evaluating you.
ps- I do, do, all my own stunts, by the way. (Some more hollywood lingo and also a saying on sailor jerry's t-shirt).
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